Nosebleeds and how to get rid of small blood stains using only your own body fluids...
I wish I had some pics to illustrate this but I hope you'll understand why I don't.
I got my first significant nosebleed aged about seven. It lasted an entire episode of Crossroads and would not stop. My mum rang the doctor who told me to put my head forward and pinch my nose and it would eventually stop given I was a healthy child. And lo, it did. I had up til then been doing what they show you in films which is to put your head back. This is bollocks as all that happens - and what happened to me that day - is the blood runs down your throat and into your stomach until you may eventually vomit it up and think you’re dying of consumption. But TV shows a lot of untruths such as woman only ever being on their back for birth. It’s all as much of a lie as the pasta cooking times printed on packets
Anyway. I have suffered with nose bleeds ever since and you need to fully pinch the nostril it’s coming out of to start the blood clotting and lean slightly forward. When it stops you may get a big clot come out, don’t panic this is normal.
The other evening, after dinner and wearing my very expensive looking (but actually remarkable value by John Lewis) butterscotch coloured cashmere roll neck my nose started bleeding profusely, splashing, dramatically, onto the table and onto my bosom. As I sat and held my nose I knew I had to get the blood stain out of the cashmere asap (I am fully aware of how all this sounds) so I…spat on it.
Our own spit is amazing at getting blood stains out. It has all the enzymes you need to dissolve blood stains and is most effective if you can do it immediately after the blood is spilled. It won’t cover up a crime scene - you’d have to hockle up a lot of spit - and it has to be YOUR blood and YOUR spit. But within five minutes the blood stain on my cashmere clad embonpoint was totally gone and it was as if it had never happened. The nose bleed took a little longer to abate.