Thanks for this. I’ve learnt so much from my therapy clients about the forms that DA takes and the insidious nature of each kind. I’ve also become aware that therapists can be caught up in the cycle - I was charmed and manipulated by a client who I supported to work through childhood neglect. He wanted my compassion but not challenge. Therapists are not outside of the dynamics we work with.
And of course, it is so practically hard to *completely* leave an abusive relationship if it is a family member, and you still want to be part of the family, or you share children. A friend is still being bullied and manipulated by her ex via the financial and practical arrangements for their kids 3 years after they separated. She is counting the days (and there are YEARS to go) until she can delete him from her contacts and her life. Seeing how the divorce and mediation process was manipulated by him as the reasonable, caring father when she had had all her confidence knocked out of her and was faced with losing her home, was absolutely, horribly, eye-opening. There was no physical abuse but he created a situation where she lived in fear of doing or saying the wrong thing...going into the divorce process feeling like that was never going to end well for her.
Thanks for this. I’ve learnt so much from my therapy clients about the forms that DA takes and the insidious nature of each kind. I’ve also become aware that therapists can be caught up in the cycle - I was charmed and manipulated by a client who I supported to work through childhood neglect. He wanted my compassion but not challenge. Therapists are not outside of the dynamics we work with.
So interesting thank you.
And of course, it is so practically hard to *completely* leave an abusive relationship if it is a family member, and you still want to be part of the family, or you share children. A friend is still being bullied and manipulated by her ex via the financial and practical arrangements for their kids 3 years after they separated. She is counting the days (and there are YEARS to go) until she can delete him from her contacts and her life. Seeing how the divorce and mediation process was manipulated by him as the reasonable, caring father when she had had all her confidence knocked out of her and was faced with losing her home, was absolutely, horribly, eye-opening. There was no physical abuse but he created a situation where she lived in fear of doing or saying the wrong thing...going into the divorce process feeling like that was never going to end well for her.
YES. Thank you for making this really important point. I'm so sorry for your friend and hope that day comes soon. Awful situation.
Yes it's horribly eye-opening isn't it? My job has changed me that's for sure.